It’s almost the end of October. I wake up at 5 am this morning, as usual of course. I think I am always the first one who wakes up so early in my apartment, Creekview, or even among the entire HSU residents. The cold weather touches my bones.
It’s almost 1 degree in Celsius. It is so freezing that I cover my body with two blankets, but they don’t seem to work at all.
I see my roommate. He is still sleeping. I try not to disturb him as possible as I can. Fortunately, he understands my activity every morning, my ritual. Apparently I am so lucky got a roommate like him. At least we understand each other, our culture, and our religion.
I turn on my desk lamp instead of the main one because it is not too bright. Soon, I got my shower stuff on my hand. I step out my feet to the bathroom.
Suddenly it comes to my mind not to take shower this morning on until Spring comes. But that’s a stupid idea fer sure! I turn on hot water tap along with a little bit cold water.
Yeah.. not bad. It’s a good combination.
I spent Almost 20 minutes on showering my super skinny body. I gaze to a big mirror in front of me. He is smiling!
Of course it is me who is smiling -_-
Nothing much changing on my appearance. I just got my hair longer since I haven’t had it cut for more than 5 months. Actually I cut my hair in every single month in my country. But not here of course.
The reason is, it is too expensive just to have my hair cut. Its almost $30 which doesn’t make sense at all for me. Perhaps I always compare every single price here to my currency. Then again, it is a stupid idea to do so.
I put my saroong (traditional cloth for praying) around my hip. I underlay my sajadah (prayer mat). Morning prayer now is around 6.12 which barely happens in my country where it has to be around 4 to 5.30 am. There is something that I cant say even with a thousand words how peaceful it is when I do morning prayer. Such a huge cool wind blowing my face, my body, and lifting me to fly freely to the sky.
I put my face down. I pray as solemn as possible. I thank to the God every time I do it. Thank Him for every single grace He blessed to my life, for giving this great experience, meeting lots of awesome people, finding many best friends and family here. Moreover, I thank Him for giving me a chance to see the sun this morning.
I look around. Sometimes I feel so lonely, even when I am with a bunch of people. I look at my room wall. There are many stuff hanging and sticky on it. My country’s flag, my goals, courses’ syllabus, a US map that I got when pre-departure orientation in Jakarta 6 months ago, two birthday cards from my best friends from Turkey, and a yellow big paper from my friends as a gift for my birthday last month.
I look at them deeply and seriously.
Ah.. how many stories I have written since I arrived here when I see those pictures. I couldn’t even move my face. These great stories will be sticky in my mind ever after. I know there will be the time to say goodbye later.
I hate it!
But I cannot ditch it. I have to be able to cope with this. They come from various countries where they will return to. I have been there experiencing how hard it is when one by one my friends say goodbye.
But at the end, it would be my turn to say it. The word that I hate. Nevertheless, I have to come back to my country and back to my old life there. I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure this experience will be stored for good in my mind. Maybe someday when I am old, I will tell this story to my grand children while I am sitting on a rocky chair.
I step my feet out of my apartment door. I have class at 8 today which is too morning for some people. Especially in this season, autumn when the sun goes up around 7 am.
A nasty cold wind makes me lame. I try not to fall down. It is so foggy, so I hardly see around.
Damnit!! Too cold!!
My sweater doesn’t work.
I hate this campus now and then especially my apartment which is located precisely on the hill surrounded by a bunch of giant redwood trees. It’s like in a forest, but yes it is. I try to walk faster yet so clumsy. My class is in Founders Hall which is not too far.
Today is the third quiz. I don’t know if I can do it well or not. But I’m pretty sure I can although I didn’t study hard last night. Too much to think that I spent my whole night time on playing games.
It is a little bit sunny in the afternoon. But it’s still windy which makes me so chilly. The wind is pulling my hair out of my forehead pony and snapped it into my chilly face.
What a nasty wind!
I look around.
Arghh.. this feeling comes again.
The feeling of solitary. My mind went back to summer when at that time, I was so stoked. It was the first season I have in the USA. Everything felt so new. I was so excited wandering and looking around here. I miss the classes so bad. I miss all Summer classes students.
I lay my body on the grass beneath a big tree near Library circle. It was not as lush as the first time I saw it. I named the tree “the first impression tree.” Now it seems dying. Most of its leaves are turned into red and ready to fly away. I gaze my eyes to the bench where many students are waiting for the bus to come.
Oh.. I wanna forget it!
Then I close my eyes try to feel the cool sunshine. I do believe, I will meet those people again in the future. This belief drives me a bit stronger. Yeah.. stronger.
I listen to my metal bands playlist on my phone. From System of a Down to Megadeth, from Metallica to Anthrax, from the sweetie “sweet child O mine” Guns n Roses to the all my fav songs of Dream Theater.
Ah.. this kind of music always make me uplifting, my solitary feeling, not to mention my feeling of missing my family, my girl, my best friends.
I get up all of a sudden and try to stand still from the imbalance in my mind, ambivalent. I run away to the library and drown my self there with a bunch of books and assignments to do.
You will be my best friend at this time until winter comes, so don’t leave me now.
#Humboldt State University Library, October 2011